


He Blew Breath in My Lungs

by RChaha



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, M/M, but like me too so, i just needed to get this out, isak is dramatic, please read this and like it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-31
Updated: 2017-03-31
Packaged: 2018-10-13 02:41:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10504740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RChaha/pseuds/RChaha
Summary: He couldn’t breathe. Isak couldn’t stop shaking.He wasn’t sure if he would ever stop shaking.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is basically my take on the last scene in 3x05 and the first scene in 3x06. I've been listening to Hold my Liquor by Kanye West and Hate Me Now by Nas nonstop because SKAM has taken over my life and I just miss my boys, ya know?: These are my two favorite angsty scenes and I just had a lot of feelings about them???  
> Let me know if it's garbage or if you want me to continue whatever. I don't know.  
> Oh also the title is from Hate Me Now.  
> I DON'T OWN THESE CHARACTERS, JULIE ANDEM OWNS THEM AND MY ASS

_Bitch I’m back out my coma_

 

He couldn’t breathe.

Isak couldn’t stop shaking.

He wasn’t sure if he would ever stop shaking. All he could see was him and her, Even with Sonja.

 

He crouched on that dingy sidewalk and sobbed, unable to collect himself as he watched his life crumble before his very eyes. It had been such a terrible year. It was bombarded with sorrows, the loss of his parents (both in different ways) and his broken heart over Jonas. Like dominos, all of his failures over the last year were lining up, and they had all just collapsed on him.

God, where did the air go around him?

Why couldn’t he breathe?

The sky was dark and cloudy, creating the world and the mood around him. He found comfort in the blackness; it felt like it belonged to him. Like a flashlight, Even had led him through Isak’s cave of darkness. Now, his flashlight was lost, gone forever. He was back to wandering around aimlessly by himself. Back to being alone, back to being a fraud, Isak was going back to the world he was attempting a futile fight against.

Isak didn’t remember getting up. He didn’t remember scraping off the dirt and leaves from his pants, didn’t remember stumbling past the trash cans, blindly going towards the direction of his newly founded home. He didn’t remember how long he walked, or what he passed when he did.

 

But, eventually, he found himself staggering inside the doorway that seemed to be his, the place where he had been hiding at, the place he had held Even in, the place where he had been crushed. He didn’t remember passing Eskild, who, from seeing the blank look in Isak’s eyes, frantically asked him, “Isak, you okay buddy?”

Did he respond? No way to tell.

He didn’t remember heading back towards his room, collapsing onto his bed. And, he definitely didn’t remember when the sobs started.

Light footsteps followed him, and suddenly, he was surrounded by all three of his roommates. Noora and Eskild sat on the bed next to him, and Linn stood not far from him. Isak could feel a hand, probably Eskild’s, start to rub his back. How did this become his life? How did he get there?

“He left.” Isak kept stuttering.

It was humiliating, but he felt like he owed his roommates something. They had taken him in, had tried to support him. It wasn’t their fault he was broken beyond repair. It wasn’t anyone’s fault but his own.

“Aw, honey, who left?” Isak thought that Noora asked that, but it didn’t really matter.

“My dad left. And then he left.” Isak rolled over, tears still blurring his vision, but trying desperately to look at something or someone. His eyes met Eskild’s. “He was kissing her, and he was smiling,” he took a shuddering breath before continuing,” I fucked up, Eskild.”

The tears were still streaming down his face. Panic was coursing through his veins. How did he tell them? How did he explain that Even had brightened his life, and then tore it down as quickly as it came? How did he tell them that it was the only thing that had made him feel alive throughout his entire life?

“What do I do? What do I do? What do I do..” mumbling, Isak turned over a bit to rest his forehead on Eskild’s thigh as he continued to cry and mumble nonsense. This time, it was Noora that started to rub his back, which just made him cry harder. God, Isak missed his mom. It was another reminder of how alone he was.

He didn’t remember falling asleep. But, he remembered waking up. Eskild and Noora apparently had fallen asleep with him, silently deciding that he was in no place to be alone tonight. It was kind of crammed in the bed with all three of them, but Isak still had it in him to appreciate the gesture. They cared. They knew. And they still cared.

Isak did remember slipping out of the bed, careful not to wake his roommates, before heading to school.

 

The walk to school was quiet.

Sometimes, he met with Jonas or the whole boy squad to get to class, but he knew neither of those were an option today. He knew that if he walked with them, there would be questions, questions he didn’t have the answer to. There might be accusations, worries, statements thrown at him that Isak didn’t have the energy to deflect. What could he say? What could he say that wouldn’t make his boys hate him? There was no point. He was alone. He would always be alone. Now Isak finally knew what that meant.

Although it reminded him of Even, Isak couldn’t help but listen to NAS on the walk to school. Nas’ music was riveting, fierce, everything that Even was and everything Isak couldn’t be. It didn’t matter if Even never spoke to him again; NAS would forever bind them.  It was the song Hate Me Now that was, appropriately, playing when he reached the schoolyard. Isak took a deep breath before counting down from ten before looking around him.

To the left was Emma and her crew.

To the right was Even and his friends.

Forward, Isak was safe. Forward was the school, and forward he could hide.

 

With NAS’ lyrics filling his ears and his confidence, he strutted forward.

_It’s life or death for me now_

He could do this.

_But you know there’s no turning back now_

One foot in front of the other; walking was easy.

_This is what makes me_

They couldn’t make him care. They couldn’t make Isak give a fuck about them.

_This is what I am_

 

Abruptly, Isak’s epic **I don’t give a fuck** walk was interrupted by someone shoving their way past him. He was spun around, and instantly, the movie moment was ruined. His confidence was shattered. Collecting himself quickly, Isak continued forward, praying to the universe that neither Even nor Emma saw his facade break down. He couldn’t think about what Emma said, berating him to get out of the closet. He couldn’t think about Even kissing Sonja and the smile that peaked from that beautiful mouth when he did. Isak couldn’t think about himself shoving Mahdi, and the look of hurt and betrayal that followed from both him and Magnus. He couldn’t think about the confusion that was painted over Jonas’ face, looking at Isak like he was some sort of stranger. He couldn’t think about any of those things. All he had to do was walk forward and get through the day. He could do that.

Everything was **fine.**

Isak looked behind him one last time, seeing Even with his friends and Emma with her crew walking towards him.

 

Oh, who was he kidding?

Isak cared.

He definitely gave a fuck about them.

**Author's Note:**

> Did ya hate it? Let me know.  
> If you want to cry about SKAM with me, my tumblr is evakownsmyass.


End file.
